Letizia Eterno

I know all you want to do is give up. To swallow up in your agony, in your feelings. To give in. Everyone tells you that you’re stronger and I know you don’t believe it. But you’ve dealt with all of this, all this drama, mess, broken hearts, and pain. And yet your still around. Your heart still beats steady, wounded, bruised, and battle scarred. But it’s still beating, it’s still there, and life moves on. 

You miss, not him, but who he was. He was kind and gentle with you. You were happy and he was happy. And the biggest problem you guys had was college and that’s it. You were very happy.

But you need to realize all the problems developed slowly overtime. And not all of it was your fault!

There are two people that contribute to a relationship.

Not just one person.

The problems grew. And they grew slowly. Maybe it started at your first fight, maybe before. The exact cause is unknown. And doesn’t matter, because it’s the actual argument, the actual problems that mattered. Notice the past tense. Remember it’s in the past. Learn from it and move on. Like a mistake in soccer, you make a mistake, learn from it, and don’t do it again. The problems you had with him are in the past. You have different problems right now that doesn’t involve his physical self. 

What were the problems, though?

One things for sure, and that was communication. Whenever you tried to bring someting up that was improtant for you that regarded the relationship he would shoot it down. He didn’t want to talk about it or bring it up. Everything had to be perect and perfect in his way. Soon you felt like you couldn’t speak your mind. Everything had to be his way or it was the highway. 

You guys always discussed what your problems were. The one thing he always said that you were too much like your mother. Think about it! Are you? Are you really like her? Yes, you have some characteristics that are similar. Short temper, a bit of a control freak and perfectionist. But she likes to control other people. And she always pushes things onto you. Do you do that? You control yourself. You push stuff onto you, no onto others. She left you, your brother, your father. You know how it feels and you would never do that to anyone you loved. And you didn’t. He did. Three times in fact. It doesn’t help your fear. He gave up on you.. Forever.

Think about that and don’t hope for him to comeback. 

He put you down, called you names, used you, made too many promises that he broke over and over again. He’s a liar, and a cheater now. 

He made you cry.

Over and over and over again. 

I’m surprised you have tear ducts left. 

He made you cry.

And never said sorry and meant it.

He never said sorry.

It go too hard. It hurt too much. And he no longer cares. And I know you don’t either. But you just want to be happy and you were happy with who he once was. He’s changed now, he’s cruel, he’s a liar, and he no longer matters.

You are angry, be angry! Dislike who he is now. He is not the person you fell in love with. Look at that! PICTURE THAT! HE IS NOT THE SAME!

Please do not hope that he will come to you anytime soon. It won’t happy. Probably never. Never

It all happened and it’s over now. You’re dealing with effects of this whiplash. It’s in the past. He is in the past. And keep it there. Keep it in those pages of your journal and don’t look back for a long time. Just learn from it. Protect yourself a littler more. Read the signs more closely. Just move on. 

“A little boy asked his mother, “Why are you crying?” “Because I’m a woman , ” she told him. 

“I don’t understand , ” he said. His Mom just hugged him and said , “And you never will.” 

Later the little boy asked his father , “Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?” 

“All women cry for no reason , ” was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man , still wondering why women cry… 

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone , he asked , “God , why do women cry so easily?” 

God said

“When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort. 

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children. 

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up , and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining. 

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances , even when her child has hurt her very badly. 

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. 

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife , but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfaltering. 

And finally , I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.” 

“You see my son , ” said God , “the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears , the figure that she carries , or the way she combs her hair. 

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes , because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides.” 

(Source: citehr.com)

I may not always make the greatest decisions

in this life of mine but I own those

decisions. They are my flaws, my memories, my

greatest accomplishments. They are what makes

me at this very moment. I own them, but they

do not own me. My emotions are riddled and my

brain shackled to my heart. I follow what I

believe in and that’s truth. I believe in

being true to your self and to others around

you. Show them who you are, all your flaws and

greatest accomplishment, show them that true

you that you want the world to see. If they

don’t like, then they are not worthy of your

own personal greatness. Don’t hide behind the

mask. I am at one with that mask, and it’s a

very scary thought. It becomes my best friend,

my companion, my shoulder to lean on. To hide

behind it though you are not only being false

to others, but also to yourself. If you hide

behind the mask long enough, you will forget

who you are and when it’s time to take it off,

it feels like it’s part of you now. But take

that mask off. Embrace all of who you are.

Every. Single. Cell. Embrace your broken

heart, your knowledge, your goofy laugh.

Embrace what makes you unique and beautiful.

Be confident enough to express yourself

without the fear of judgement. Own your self

and all the decisions you make in your life.

This mask of mine is still close, resting like

a parasite on my body. It’s hard to rid of it

because it feels safe and comfortable.

Although it is certainly not my happy place.

Once you understand that it doesn’t keep you

safe anymore but instead hurts you, it’s a bit

of a revelation. Believe in yourself, that

true you that may be hiding from the world.

Believe in the confidence that you give

your self that moves you everyday from place to

place. Life is going to back fire, there’s no

doubt about that but fight it right back with

the mask laying on the hard, cold ground. Own

what is you.