Dear Weaker Self,
I know all you want to do is give up. To swallow up in your agony, in your feelings. To give in. Everyone tells you that you’re stronger and I know you don’t believe it. But you’ve dealt with all of this, all this drama, mess, broken hearts, and pain. And yet your still around. Your heart still beats steady, wounded, bruised, and battle scarred. But it’s still beating, it’s still there, and life moves on.
You miss, not him, but who he was. He was kind and gentle with you. You were happy and he was happy. And the biggest problem you guys had was college and that’s it. You were very happy.
But you need to realize all the problems developed slowly overtime. And not all of it was your fault!
There are two people that contribute to a relationship.
Not just one person.
The problems grew. And they grew slowly. Maybe it started at your first fight, maybe before. The exact cause is unknown. And doesn’t matter, because it’s the actual argument, the actual problems that mattered. Notice the past tense. Remember it’s in the past. Learn from it and move on. Like a mistake in soccer, you make a mistake, learn from it, and don’t do it again. The problems you had with him are in the past. You have different problems right now that doesn’t involve his physical self.
What were the problems, though?
One things for sure, and that was communication. Whenever you tried to bring someting up that was improtant for you that regarded the relationship he would shoot it down. He didn’t want to talk about it or bring it up. Everything had to be perect and perfect in his way. Soon you felt like you couldn’t speak your mind. Everything had to be his way or it was the highway.
You guys always discussed what your problems were. The one thing he always said that you were too much like your mother. Think about it! Are you? Are you really like her? Yes, you have some characteristics that are similar. Short temper, a bit of a control freak and perfectionist. But she likes to control other people. And she always pushes things onto you. Do you do that? You control yourself. You push stuff onto you, no onto others. She left you, your brother, your father. You know how it feels and you would never do that to anyone you loved. And you didn’t. He did. Three times in fact. It doesn’t help your fear. He gave up on you.. Forever.
Think about that and don’t hope for him to comeback.
He put you down, called you names, used you, made too many promises that he broke over and over again. He’s a liar, and a cheater now.
He made you cry.
Over and over and over again.
I’m surprised you have tear ducts left.
He made you cry.
And never said sorry and meant it.
He never said sorry.
It go too hard. It hurt too much. And he no longer cares. And I know you don’t either. But you just want to be happy and you were happy with who he once was. He’s changed now, he’s cruel, he’s a liar, and he no longer matters.
You are angry, be angry! Dislike who he is now. He is not the person you fell in love with. Look at that! PICTURE THAT! HE IS NOT THE SAME!
Please do not hope that he will come to you anytime soon. It won’t happy. Probably never. Never
It all happened and it’s over now. You’re dealing with effects of this whiplash. It’s in the past. He is in the past. And keep it there. Keep it in those pages of your journal and don’t look back for a long time. Just learn from it. Protect yourself a littler more. Read the signs more closely. Just move on.